The saddness

why do they always make you feel like your only one in the world,then they turn right around and make you feel so much saddness.why do we love what always ends up makeing us sad.truth is it we let them and they make us feel that way so they can have something to control.love is becomeing so over rated to me now.but thats all I want, is to love and be loved.sometimes you will lose with anything you try to do.what is this thing called love is there more to it then I know?is love at first site real or is it just what they say to draw us in to use our love as a weapon.its the whole why do we hurt the ones we love.

I know he can tell Im upset alittle I know he can tell I dont want to push the subject but why is he letting this happen?so he can have the upper hand and tell me Im just being paranoid?

or is he just doing because he can and thats that..

thats why I think there is no man out there that can tie me down or hold on to me too long they are afraid that I might be good for them and they are scared shitless.or they just dont want to stick around and wait for me to put out.

this really is driveing me crazy

Its been a while my dear...

so its been a while since I have blogged. *sigh* I have been kinda depressed the last few months.not alot has changed but I havent at all other then the boyfriend I have now.I have great feelings for this one but I have never met him in person its a online relationship.I dont know how long it will go on.as you can tell by the time on this post its really early or should I say really really late!it seems that my worrys still go on even though its a online relationship.I havent felt wanted or loved in this way for a long time.my main worrys are that I could be fooled or cheated on.granted its a online relationship.my feelings are growing stronger and I can see myself being in deep love with this one.but Im worried that he isnt being faithful, yes I know is a online deal but this worry is still bugging me.personaly I wouldnt do anything behind his back.but I think its just my paranoia.I have no reason to doubt him and he has no reason to doubt me but I want this to work.as I have said in past blogs Im tired of being treated like crap and being cheated on.I would like just to be told the truth and so far I have been but I think my paranoia is getting the best of me.I reall wish there was some way to truely know whats going on in a guys head with out cutting it open like a hard boiled egg........gah.

yea I have guy friends yea he has friends that are girls but I think maybe he worrys about the same thing?or am I just blowing it way out there....my worrys could all be true but they could also be all pointless and I have nothing to worry about!

sometimes you will never know,

Confused

so I keep talking about my friend whom I liked very much, well something happend and he has deleted me from facebook, myspace and so on..I really like this guy and Im at a loss as to whats going on.I have no clue what I did or didnt do.my guess is that he has a girlfriend now or something along that line...I dont care if someone doesnt want to talk to me again I just like knowing why.this hrut my feelings and I will miss him as a friend..I thought we had something.or mabe he is just like all guys and wants nothing moe then to get off.I really really liked this guy I just dont know what Im going to do.Im worthless I guess why anyone would want me now is behond me.when ever I try to have some kind of happiness this shit happens.this isnt the first time someone has just stoped tallking to me and I have no clue why.I hate being lied too and just tossed aside like this.Im not just someone you can just treat like shit and not tell why Im being treated liket this.

Im over this, I dont even know why I bother.