Puppy Love

just 2 kids 5 and 6 holding hands on the playground.first kiss and all soccer games are a miss.maybe true loves kiss?school yards and swing sets, we were only 5 and 6.changed schools lost one another.I still remember when we were 5 and 6.another new school I was scared, but there you were older now but some how the same as I remember.we were too shy as we got older so we never talked like we did when we were 5 and 6.and just like that you were gone.I thought I would never see you again.so 12 long years have come and gone and like a book to the face I find you waiting for me.now that everything has changed from when we were young but we can still hold hands on the playgound like when we were 5 and 6.

I found my grade K sweetheart on facebook in the last week, I was shocked when he rememberd me as well as I rememberd him!I cried as I spoke to him and we both never forgot one another!I always sreach for people I know on myspace or facebook, then I found him.he had not changed from what I rememberd of him.maybe just maybe thee is hope for this bitter bitch after all.

So long to the Queen

I have here in the last few months befriended a guy from the uk, we hit it off nicely.much to my dis may he said he was liveing with his ex wife which turned out to be not so much a ex wife.I have not said a word to either of them and will not.I feel bad for her, really I do.how her husband could just freely do such a thing.Im just as much at fault as he is.I truely feel bad for the both of them.Im not going to dwell on this one bit.I am sad that I have lost a friend I liked chatting to but non the less Im happy to be free of this drama.

other then that I found my grade school crush.whom I will blog about next

Somebody find me somebody to love

I have spent alot of time looking around for the right guy in my life and I never seem to get lucky.but here in the last month or so I have been getting alot of looks and glances from all kinds of guys.one guy keeps asking me out, this guy cant be more then 17 and donesnt look like hes saveing yet!then there was the ice cream dude *if you read my last blog it will tell you about him*

I keep putting myself into a rock in a hard place!right now I have met a new guy.we are into the same things and for the most part, we have alot in common other then he likes Trent Reznor, whom I can not stand!

I did the girl thing over this, weak in the knees kinda bullshit.stuff I just dont do over just anyone.but my friend has popped back up, I am really in like with him.yes I said like it isnt a type-o.I now feel like a whore but havent done anthing that would make me a whore but non the less I do.

I am a whats happening now kinda gal and yes I like to flirt and play the feild so to speak but Im just not used to haveing to make choices like this.I could go on and on about how I cant really get guys.I do and I dont!Im picky and I just dont like haveing to make up my mind in this way.

so its pretty much like this

A)take a chance on something new *again*

B)stick with the old choice

C)or just dont make up my mind and run away screaming to my room and keep doing the Im going to be alone bull crap I have always done

for the most part I feel like shit for talking to these guys at the same time, yea Im not with either of them nor am I sleeping with them.I mostly feel like this cus I like both of them at the same time and I know it isnt fair to do that.not only is it not fair to them its not fair to myself!haveing to make my mind up is hard for me, as I said Im not used to haveig this put on my plate.

why are guys flocking to me like this?!I dont get it, I dont wear shirts that show half my clevage.Im a t shit wearing tom boy for fuck sake!and how is eatting an ice cream cone sexy if your not doing it on purpose?or just walking down the street?

why are men so fucking stupid?!why now?

In heat?

ok this is creaping me out this was my day..I get off work early and I was crossing the sreet to go see a friend,I get to the cross walk and this younger guy walks up and asks me if I had a smoke to bum and if I was single!later my mom tells me that one of our dogs has gone missing.Im on the phone with her talking about what we are going to do and if she is up to comeing to get me.just about 5 minutes before I was like I would like some ice cream.Im on the phone with her and this guy walks by.I look up and take a bite and right as I do this guy walks by and looks right at me as I take a bite.he stoped dead in his tracks and looks at me like he was about to jump me and fuck me right there..sure I thought he was cute but it was weird!he stood there for like a minute, looking at me.all I could do was take another bite and blurt out a shy hi..I must be in heat or something couse I have no clue whats going on!

just yesterday I got hit on by this older biker guy that looks like mr.cleans grandfather.he walked right up to me and said I was the prettist girl there and that I had nice hair,bright eyes and a nice smile.

creeeeeeeeepy

Yours Truely

I do alot of thinking involving what I want to do with my love life.do I want to stay single or do I want to whore around?

I just cant bring myself to whore around, sorry not a sleep with just any guy kinda girl.but I do want to spend time when a member of the other sex.could it be that I respect myself more then others not to whore around?I just think I have alot of selfrespect!

my mother says that your 20's is for sleepig around with all the wrong people, I guess its true there are 1 or 2 guys I would have rather not been with, do to the fact they were really dumb.other then that Im a good girl, I dont do drugs or sleep with random people.I pride myself in being someone who knows the meaning of selfrespect.

but being single sucks, I mean I dont understand why all the men or should I say boys I have dated just treated me like crap and left me with the idea in my head "must be my falt" it does put you down alot haveing that kida thing happen to you a few times.I mean are all men stupid or is there sign over my head that saying something like dumbass magnet?or I just dont really know my type?

well I dont know truthfuly.seems to me that most guys just want one thing or another and if one of things isnt being given up they just bail.yea when im with someone I want to fuck as much as I can.now tell me what guy that really wants a girl that doesnt cheat or treats him badly wouldnt mind a girl that wants to fuck alot?thing is none of the ex's wanted to fuck alot they couldnt keep up with me!

bah I just dont get it.

The perfection of love

everyone has loved somone in there life or love a few people.but you never know how strong that love is till something so fucking wrong happens.it could be a car crash or someone leaveing you in the dust.I lost a good friend of mine in a car accident earlier this year.I thought my heart was broken for good.my friend and I where good friends on a level that not many people we both knew, knew about.I have gone through break ups and falling outs but when I found out from my mother my friend had died I thought I had lost everything I cared about and nothing else matterd to me.friends, family and lovers.I was dateing someone when I found out he had died, the guy I was seeing didnt know how to deal with me loseing a person he had never met before.I feel like him right now.someone that I would really like to know better and maybe some day be with.he has some thing I wont talk about going on in his life.I feel out side the bubble and looking into his life like its a movie.I want to say or do something that would help but I dont know how.

life cant be summed up in blogs or facebook comments, its rough out there.

life and love are alot alike.in life you have ups and down with jobs, economys, weather and occasionally a bird flys by to shit on your head!

love is a job, love is an economy, love is the weather when it rains it pours occasionally flys by and ends up shitting all over you.

my biggest problem is that I try too hard to love someone I end up loseing them.all my ex's cheated on me or just up and left me.it does fuck with your mind alot when its your first real love and you get dumped over an IM window :/ no one ever told me that love was hard, thats something you have to learn on your own.I would always end up thinking to myself was it something I did is it something I need to change.I have been told I am the perfact woman so many times that I could write a book about it!thing is no one is perfact.being told that and have all the men in life leave me is like..wait!what?!

in my personal opinion men are stupid and are like dogs, always got to bury a bone.and wemon are just crazy!

its one of those things that gets old but always finds a way to show back up in a different form.

I would just like to look at my someone and tell them I love them, but I dont have one.I would like one, more then anything in the world.Im a simple girl Im not perfect nor am I the perfect woman but who wouldnt mind finding the one person perfect for them?